Formulas of Love in the Life of Astrid Farnsworth
by Nightengale
Summary: "Walter, are you – were you trying to… set me up?" "That is an interesting phrasing to use, my dear. I would hope a tad more romance would be involved." -femslash-


The whole affair begins with Laura Gibbons and the delivery of a spectrometer.

"Hello!"

Astrid and Walter work alone in the lab with Gene and one body on the table. The body on the table, formerly a writer for the Boston Globe, collapsed then died at the feet of his editor upon the flick of a light switch. Peter made a quip about 'out like a light' while Walter requested the need for a spectrometer to test reactions to the dead man's skin in relation to light intensity.

As of now Walter, as often occurs, has yet to explain his full theory.

"Excuse me?"

Astrid looks up from her table prep to see a short, red-haired woman holding the door half open with what appears to be heavy box balanced in her arms.

"Anyone?" she calls again, trying to wedge herself through with the box.

"Yes," Astrid jogs around the table and up the stairs, "let me help you."

Astrid pulls the door back from the woman and gives her space to enter the room. She flashes Astrid a smile and instantly the phrase 'ocean eyes' blinks in Astrid's mind. She shakes her head to erase the mental magnet poetry and follows the red head down the stairs.

"Oh!" Walter scampers over, liquorish hanging out of the corner of his mouth. "My spectrometer, thank you!" He grabs the box from her hands, causing the clip board resting on top to fall to the floor.

"Walter," Astrid groans and bends to pick up the clip board.

When she stands back up Walter has lost the liquorish and gives her a strange look. Suddenly he grins and plops the box down on the table beside the body, almost splashing her with formaldehyde. He claps his hands together and points at the woman.

"Well! If you wouldn't mind setting it up."

"What?" She gapes for a second. "I was just supposed –"

"Astro can assist you or you can assist her. However you wish to partition the labor."

"Walter!" Astrid hisses.

"Excuse me," she holds up a hand, "I am agent Laura –"

"Yes, and this is Ms. Farnsworth and you both can set up the spectrometer while I –" he snaps his head around for a moment and Astrid has the distinct impression he's just trying to pick something out at random. "I will be right over here!"

Walter points to his chalk board a few feet away and smiles at them again before scampering off. Astrid stares at Walter's back for a beat then turns to Laura.

"I'm sorry, don't mind him. Do I need to sign for this?"

Laura clears her throat. "Uh, yes, yes." She takes the clip board from Astrid, flips a page then hands it back with a pen from her jacket pocket. "Just at the bottom there."

Laura has slender hands, short nails, and a gold bracelet. She keeps her hand on the metal of the clip board while Astrid signs her name and her finger tips touch the back of Astrid's hand when she returns the pen.

Astrid clears her throat. "You don't have to stay to set it up, Walter just gets…" she glances back at Walter and notices him watching the two of them out of the corner of his eyes. She turns back and swallows. "Well, anyway, thank you."

"Of course, Laura Gibbons," she says and holds out her free hand for Astrid to shake, "from laboratory, not normally my job to bring… but you don't need to… well, yeah. So…" she laughs. "There's your spectrometer. Nice to meet you."

Astrid blinks and nods. "Yes, uh, Astrid not Astro, Farnsworth, and yes, thank you."

Laura stands still, lips together, then turns and walks away up the stairs and out the door. Once the door closes Walter makes a frustrated sound from behind Astrid. She turns to see Walter cross out the word 'technician' quickly on the one side of his chalk board before flipping it over again. Astrid watches Walter begin to write out a cosine formula on the board then she turns away again.

They don't end up using the spectrometer at all.

* * *

><p>It's not until the second time with Maggie Welch that Astrid realizes what the first time really was.<p>

"And once Aspirin gets here then –"

"Once _Astrid_ gets here, what?" Astrid asks as she opens the door on Walter's words.

Walter turns around as does the woman beside him, brown hair back in a messy bun and EMS uniform on. Walter grins and Astrid sees that 'mad scientist' expression coming out in spades. She shuts the door slowly.

"Walter, did we just get a new body?'

"Why yes! How did you know?"

Maggie turns her head sharply as if to say 'I think I'm right here' or something to that effect. Astrid just smiles and chuckles as she walks down the stairs.

"New case then, I take it? Are Peter and Olivia back?"

"No, but that's not the point." Walter runs around the table, an Asian – no Chinese – male lying on top. "I need you and Maggie here to…" He pauses and looks left then right. "I need you to prepare the body."

"Hi." Maggie waves a hand. "You're new at this, I believe?"

Astrid ticks her eyes between them. Walter raises his eyebrows from behind Maggie and tilts his head at her then raises his eyebrows more forcefully. Clearly, they speak through eyebrows now.

"Um, no, not exactly, not new to this." Astrid looks back and forth between them. "Are we doing something different from usual with this one?"

Maggie opens her mouth then closes it, twisting around toward Walter. "I though you said –"

"No! Nothing particularly new, but I thought you could use a hand getting ready while I look into his background."

"Aren't Olivia and Peter doing that?"

"No!" Walter snaps off then casually walks – overly casually really, it's a strange sort of lingering stroll – across the room to the office. "You two get to work."

"Sorry, hi," Maggie holds out her hand in Astrid's peripheral vision. She turns from Walter and takes Maggie's hand, one ring on her thumb. "Maggie Welch, came with the body; Dr. Bishop asked me to stay though I haven't done proper morgue procedurals for a few years."

"Not that this is exactly a morgue," Astrid amends.

They both laugh and Astrid notices the sound is like bells in tune, a church tower together.

"So, shall we?' Maggie asks.

They set to work, passing instruments, and removing clothing. When ever Astrid glances away from their work she notices Walter peeking from the office door. They only take about ten minutes to prepare everything then, shaking hands again, Maggie leaves.

The moment the door closes Astrid hears Walter huff loudly.

"So close…" Walter grumbles and walks toward his chalk board.

Astrid watches him. "What was close, Walter?"

"Hmm?" Walter blinks.

"You said 'so close.'"

"Did I?"

Astrid stares at Walter's carefully blank face, that small turn to his lips which means he's not telling the whole truth. Walter's eyes pull slightly toward the door and suddenly Astrid straightens. No way… could not be.

"Walter, do you mean 'so close' about Maggie?"

Walter turns to his chalk board, tapping a pen against his hand, obviously pretending to have not heard her. Astrid walks over so she's standing right beside him.

"Walter…" Astrid stares hard at the side of Walter's face so he cannot possibly pretend to not listen. "Walter, are you – were you trying to… set me up?"

"That is an interesting phrasing to use, my dear." Walter turns around and waves his pen in a circle. "I would hope a tad more romance would be involved."

Astrid just stares at him.

"You see!" Walter flips off his chalk board and Astrid notices first a list along the right side with a few lines crossed off – _Technician, Ambulance operator, Agent Marrels, Agent Smith, Coroner, Agent Teller_. "I have a plan that could –"

"What is that?" Astrid points to the list.

"Ah!" Walter starts writing a formula out on the board. "I calculated your predominant personality traits with the available pool of women within the FBI. Obviously I did not have the entire number, just what I have been able to garner through interactions and hacking into the data –"

"You hacked the FBI data base?"

"Well, it's certainly not the first time."

"Walter!" Astrid squeaks.

Walter draws a heart at the end of his formula – the word 'sweet' and 'useful' are part of the formula – then adds a circle around it. "You see, I thought you could use some help!"

"I could use some help?" Astrid puts her hands up to her face like blinders. "Walter, how do you know I'm not seeing someone?"

"Are you?"

Astrid breathes out and holds up a hand. "Well, I…" She clears her throat. "No, but –"

"Well, then, now we have a path." Walter taps the list with his piece of chalk. "We can just work through these –"

"No, no, Walter, no." She picks up the eraser and starts to erase the beginning of the formula. "You don't need to –"

"Nonsense my dear," Walter touches her arm, stopping her erasing, and taking the eraser away from her. "You don't need to be worried. It's going to work. Trust me! There is always trial and error when working through new theories."

Walter puts down the piece of chalk and eraser then walks around the table back to the table with his row of glass vials. Astrid stands stuck in place staring at the board. The formula seems to indicate Walter thinks she prefers blonds and that she would want a woman with a dominant but not overbearing personality.

Astrid blinks hard. "Oh my god…"

* * *

><p>Outside the coffee shop Olivia (Astrid can't decide yet if she likes Olivia better with or without the bangs), Agent Broyles, and Peter bend over a pair of bodies which both look like albinos, even their clothes. The two individuals dropped dead in front of some patrons of the shop promptly turning white and Walter suspects the other universe may be involved.<p>

However, they are not inside the coffee shop to ask questions about the victims. The white of the bodies reminded Walter of milk and how he prefers two percent as opposed to cream in his coffee when he needs to think. Thus, mother Astrid, took Walter inside for a coffee with Agent Broyles muttering 'talk to the staff' quickly as they went.

"I hear frappucinos are lovely."

Astrid sighs. "Okay, Walter, one – "

"But!" Walter holds up his hand and points. "It says pumpkin spice is the special, doesn't that sound wonderful?"

The woman behind the cash register flicks her eyes back and forth between them, hands drumming occasionally on the sides of the metal. Astrid shoots the woman – her name tag reads Jennifer – an apologetic look then turns back to Walter.

"Walter, you have to pick something."

Walter cocks his head, eyes clearly reading down the list over Jennifer's head. Jennifer clears her throat and Astrid looks at her.

"Could I get started on something for you while he chooses?" She smiles, perfect teeth, and it makes small crinkles at the edges of her eyes.

Astrid finds herself involuntarily smiling back despite her annoyance at Walter's waffling. "Sure," she reaches in her back pocket for her wallet, "just a tall coffee with cream and –"

Walter's head suddenly snaps around and he points at Astrid with one hand and Jennifer with the other. "What about you? What is your favorite, for Asterisk here?"

"Astrid, Walter, Astrid," she sighs, "I know you remember it."

Walter pays her no mind, beaming instead at Jennifer behind the counter waiting for her to reply. The light clicks on and Astrid grips Walter's wrist.

"Walter…"

"It would be most helpful," Walter insists to Jennifer, intentionally ignoring Astrid.

She's really going to kill him.

Jennifer looks between them once then let's her eyes rest on Astrid. "Well, I actually prefer the chai tea latte."

"Well!" Walter gasps. "Why not two of those instead?"

"Walter, I don't know…."

"I insist." Walter suddenly pulls out his wallet and since when did Walter pay for anything? He pulls out a twenty and holds it out. "Two chai tea lattes for myself and Ms. Farnsworth here."

Jennifer stares at the bill then glances at Astrid. Astrid clicks her teeth and nods her head. Jennifer rings up the order, handing Walter his change. As she turns to start the teas Walter nudges Astrid with his elbow.

"Lovely lady."

"Walter, didn't I say you don't need to do this?"

Walter smiles and conveniently finds something to look at on the other side of the room. "And a lovely smile. I'm sure you could find plenty to talk about."

"Yes, like the dead bodies outside."

Walter turns back to her and frowns as if he'd forgotten why they were here. Astrid raises her eyebrows, motioning her head to the side toward the door they came from. Walter turns and sees Olivia crouched beside the corpses, Broyles pacing behind her.

"Oh yes!" Walter claps his hands. "We must get them back to the lab soon, could be some sort of bleaching effect from released energy of the other universe, perhaps even color reversal, that would be fantastic."

Walter all but skips away toward the door just as their chai teas arrive. Jennifer opens her mouth to undoubtedly call to Walter but Astrid gets there first.

"Don't worry, I've got it." Astrid takes to the two drinks and nods at Jennifer. "Thanks, sorry for the go around."

"No problem!" Jennifer smiles and Astrid has to admit it lights up the woman's face.

Astrid pauses. "You wouldn't be interest…."

Jennifer tilts her head, watching Astrid with a questioning expression. Astrid clears her throat and picks up two napkins with her pinky and ring finger.

"Never mind."

* * *

><p>"I heard from one of the delivery men who came with our burn victim's body about a method of meeting new people called online dating."<p>

Astrid's eyes slowly roll up to stare at Walter.

"You see, you make a profile and – "

"I know what it is, Walter."

"Well, I thought together we – "

"No."

"But it's very eas – "

She sighs. "I said no, Walter."

"Anthro – "

"Not my name," she slams the book in front of her closed and points with the pen, "and it's still no."

He holds up his hands. "We could just try…"

"Cross it off your list!"

* * *

><p>"Astrid?" Olivia's voice buzzes in Astrid's ear. "Can you bring us the Geiger Counter<em>?"<em>

_It's funny but now Astrid notices the differences, the slight change in inflection, in tone, now that she knows this Olivia returned is right while the other _–_ smiles more ready with an interest in music _–_ she was wrong._

_"Sure," Astrid clicks the Bluetooth in her ear, "got one here somewhere."_

_Astrid rifles through the box in the back of Peter's car searching for Walter's _Geiger Counter. She has no idea why three boxes of syringes lie stacked in the bottom of the box. It's more likely to do with Walter trying some new recipe at home than to do with science.

"What did Peter say?" Walter appears at her right. "Is there a crack?"

"I think we're ready." Agent Broyles looks at her. "Quick in and out Agent Farnsworth; we need this area quartered off."

"Sir," a police officer, Lupo on her name bade, taps his shoulder, "all the civilians have been moved back two blocks around." She glances at Astrid, eyes pausing like she wishes they were in a bar instead of behind caution tape then back to Broyles. "Ready."

Astrid smiles to herself.

"Is there a crack?" Walter jumps in again. "What did they say!"

"Dr. Bishop…" Broyles begins.

Astrid suddenly sees the Geiger Counter and picks it up. She turns away and marches with an extra clip toward the building.

"On my way," Astrid says to Olivia over the radio.

Astrid hops over the curb and cuts through the fresh cut lawn. Suddenly her ear phone crackles with static. Astrid and hears Walter, "Asti – they're com –"

Her head snaps up at the sound of a crash. The front door of the building bounces off the wall to the side and Olivia and Peter tear out of the building at a full run.

Olivia screams. "It's a bomb from the –"

Something slams into Astrid's right side, fingers gripping tight around her arms, a swish of dark, familiar hair and the Geiger counter flies out of her hand. Then an explosion screams into the air, glass walls of the building shattering into snow dust, and the ground meets her head.

Everything darkens for five seconds.

Walter's voice rings through the buzzing in her ears first growing louder as the sound of fire builds up underneath like some grotesque symphony, Walter as the continuous solo violin, "Peter! Peter! Peter!"

Astrid closes her eyes hard then opens them trying to clear the stars, focus the fuzz. Something heavy lies on top of her and it takes Astrid a moment to remember Officer Lupo tackling her. Astrid breathes in ash and turns her head. Officer Lupo's arm partially obstructs her field of vision but she sees Olivia jolt up, head moving with the sound of Walter's cries. Olivia jumps to standing and runs back toward the cars where Astrid cannot see.

"Are you all right?"

Astrid looks up at Officer Lupo propped up now on the palms of her hands over Astrid. Astrid swallows, touches a hand to her head and nods slowly. Officer Lupo leans back allowing Astrid to sit up. Officer Lupo grips Astrid's jaw with both hands turning her head.

"What are you – "

"I trained as an EMT before joining the force."

The words 'damsel in distress' swallow back in Astrid's throat. Office Lupo peers into Astrid's eyes, coasts them up Astrid's forehead, finger tips searching around the back of Astrid's head, then she let's go.

"Well," she cracks a smile, "you're not bleeding from your ears."

Astrid laughs once and scrunches her hair with one hand. "Good, uh – well, thank you officer…"

"Michelle, my name." She pulls her hat off and stands up. "Michelle Lupo." Then she holds out her hand for Astrid.

Astrid thinks she is Guinevere, Michelle her Lancelot on the white horse of a silver badge. Astrid takes her hand and stands up. She turns for one moment to look back at the building, a crumbled mess still smoldering as fire fighters spray it.

She swivels back and shrugs her shoulder once. "Good thing you tackled me. I'd barely heard Olivia shout before we were down."

Michelle puts her hat back on and waves a hand. "Oh, well, I was right behind you."

Astrid tilts her head. "What?"

"Your friend Walter asked me to keep an eye on you."

Astrid blinks slowly. "What?"

Office Lupo smiles and Astrid turns around to peer back at the cars. Peter leans against one cop car, Olivia and Walter beside him. Walter glances up to see her looking at him. He gives her the thumbs up with a 'knowing' grin. Astrid breathes out of her nose sharply and turns back around.

"Would you like to get dinner?" Michelle asks.

The two of them go on three dates – dinner, drinks, and dinner again – but Officer Lupo ends up possessing a bit more brawn than brains for Astrid's taste, not that they don't test the chemistry at least once at Astrid's apartment.

Walter crosses 'law enforcement officer' off his list when he thinks Astrid can't see.

* * *

><p>"Walter, you can't keep doing this!"<p>

She'd been given a break from Cupid Walter for a short time what with the rocks between Olivia and Peter. Walter's attention shifted to repairing the rift the fake Olivia caused and she was freed from Walter attempting to turn every woman he thought a lesbian into her next soul mate.

However, Olivia and Peter cleared the hurdle of mistrust into a new relationship of happiness. Astrid felt pleased for them, as did Walter, but his desire to right the romantic lives of those around him in his spare time had only one place to fall now. Astrid wonders if he read _Emma_ one too many times and missed the point.

"You don't need to try and set me up with every woman we meet."

Walter laughs once. "Well, that is hardly representative. We meet quite a lot of women who are not interested in women. There hasn't been a need to attempt any relationship with them."

Astrid rolls her eyes up to the ceiling. Just how does Walter have accurate gaydar anyway? Then again perhaps it makes sense if he's thinking about it in a scientific fashion.

Astrid grumbles and rubs her temple. "Walter, that's not the point."

"The point?"

"Walter." Astrid lays her one hand flat on the table and takes the test tube out of Walter's hand with the other. He looks right at her now. "The point is that I can find my own dates, I don't need you to…" She waves her hands in a circle. "I don't need to deliver them to my door."

Walter opens his mouth, scientific face on, but Astrid purses her lips hard at him and he stops. Walter smiles and nods once, kicked puppy face in place instead.

"I see. You would prefer I not interfere."

Astrid sighs and puts the test tube down. "Walter, I know you just want to help and see me happy." Walter smiles and she touches his hand. "But leave the ladies to me, all right?"

Walter looks at her then nods slowly. "I suppose I can resist."

He picks up the test tube she took from him and restarts the examination he'd been involved with. Astrid watches Walter for a moment then stands up and walks back to her computer. She sits down, clicking the screen to life, report to finish still up on the desktop.

"But if I should happen to see –"

"Walter…"

"Yes, don't interfere, as you wish."

* * *

><p>Astrid enjoys dancing; all kinds – modern dance, ballroom, tap for a short time. She even tried ballet as a child and goes to a jazzercise class Wednesdays. So, when Astrid sees an ad at the Starbucks a block from her apartment for beginners salsa she hops to it.<p>

The class starts out with eleven people and the instructor Monica Peters making an even dozen. At first it seems the class could prove awkward as the other members of the class appear to be already coupled up.

"Welcome to beginners salsa," Monica says as she pulls up her strawberry blond hair into a pony tail. Astrid raises her eyebrows once and imagines a wolf whistle in her head.

"To start off, since I don't have a double for this class, I'm going to need a partner to properly show you all the moves." Her eyes scan the group then halt suddenly. "How about you, Astrid?"

Astrid swallows hard and resists asking 'how do you know my name already?' Monica watches her, does not ask again or look at anyone else. Astrid manages to smile and breathes slowly, walking forward. As Astrid slides up beside her Monica turns Astrid by the shoulders so the two of them are perpendicular with Monica facing the group.

"So, we're going to try the 'on one' style first with you and your partner like so." She gestures between them. "Now, when I step forward Astrid is going to do the same with her foot."

Astrid nods. "I won't step on your feet."

Monica flashes her a smile then back to the group. "So, its left foot forward, one – two then back three and rest on four." She steps forward, Astrid following then back again. "And the same with your right foot only backward, five – six, then forward – seven, eight." They step again. "Make sense? Let's everyone do a full set."

Monica reaches over and puts her arm around Astrid so they can really move together, Monica shifting Astrid slightly so her hips are involved. Though the step is easy Astrid stares down at their feet because for some reason Monica's eyes make her forget everything else.

"Good!" Monica says, then turns around. "Another good starter step is the cross body lead."

Monica puts her hand in Astrid's, arm around her waist and shows the basic forward, side, and around step, turning Astrid slowly. Astrid knows Monica says each move as they go, instructs each step but Astrid can't seem to hear properly. The points Monica touches her spike the heat in her body so instead she just feels, letting Monica turn her any way she pleases. Astrid decides she rather likes salsa.

"And when you get more advanced you can do things like this," Monica says suddenly, pulling Astrid close and twirling her right.

Astrid moves and barely has time to think before Monica twists toward her, dances them forward then back then twirls Astrid into a dip and back up again, hip swaying easily from side to side. She turns them both, slides them both in so close Astrid could kiss her, and then slides Astrid around in a circle and a stop. Astrid breathes out at once and laughs. The class claps and Monica waves a hand.

"Okay!" Monica says, claps her hands together. "Now, everyone try the steps we've gone over and I'll come around in a moment to check on you all."

As the other couples practice the moves, Monica's hand creeps around Astrid's waist again, more like cradling than the leader of the dance. Astrid smiles as Monica takes her hand to practice the move.

"You're amazing."

Monica laughs. "Well, it helps to know how to do what you teach."

"Are you salsa only?"

"Oh no," Monica shakes her head. "I teach two other classes and one is _flamenco_ dancing."

"Would you like to get dinner, maybe drinks?" Astrid asks suddenly before her mind can make a run for it. "We could go dancing after."

"We've already danced together."

Astrid stiffens slightly, "So, that's a no."

Monica let's go of Astrid's hand and lightly touches the line of her jaw. "That's a definite yes."

After dinner – chicken parmesan and spinach quiche – along with on Manhattan each they decide to skip dancing in favor of Astrid's apartment for a different type of dance.

Monica's hair falls in a mess over Astrid's pillow. She thinks the color of Monica's hair goes very well with her sky blue sheets. Monica curls against Astrid, foot sliding up and down Astrid's calf. It keeps sending tingles straight up to her belly.

"If you keep that up," Astrid says, tucking Monica's hair behind her ear. "We'll have to go again already."

Monica laughs and wipes sweat from the edge of Astrid's forehead. "So you're saying keep going?"

Astrid laughs and kisses Monica's lips, salty and still a hint of cherry lip gloss.

"I can't believe I've now slept with an FBI agent." Monica giggles.

Astrid grins then her face falls because there could not be some way…

Monica leans back. "Sorry, should I not have said that?"

"Have you ever met Dr. Walter Bishop?"

Monica stares. "Um… what?"

Astrid breathes out quick, laughs, then rolls over on top of Monica, kissing her. "Best possible response."

"Wait," she says between kisses, "I don't get it, who –"

Astrid cuts her off with a hand creeping up her thigh. "It's nothing; I'll tell you a story some time." Astrid twists her fingers.

"Not now," Monica gasps.

Astrid grins, kissing Monica's neck as she slides down. "No, not now."


End file.
